When Emmett Gets Bored
by TwoCamelsInATinyCar
Summary: Emmett gets bored and asks Bella some questions in front of the Cullens. CONTINUED! I deleted this off of my old profile and am continuing it on this one.
1. Bella Swan

**I do not own Twilight. I didn't come up with the idea.**

**Bella**

The others were off hunting, so I was left with Jasper and Emmett. Emmett sighed. "I'm bored."

"Go stick some peanut butter to the roof of your mouth and get it off with your tongue." I suggested.

"I've already tried that before." Emmett moaned.

Suddenly, his eyes lit up. "Hey Jasper. Go get a pencil and a sheet of paper."

Jasper looked over at him from the other couch. "Why?" I could see Emmett's lips moving really fast, but I couldn't hear anything. Jasper was back with the pencil and paper within 5 seconds.

"Okay so Bella," Emmett started. "What you're going to do is write down and number your answers."

"What answers?" I asked.

"The answers to the questions I'm about to give you."

"Alright."

"Okay so, number 1, write down the name of somebody of the opposite gender." I started writing. "Oh, but don't put Edward!"

"Why not?" I asked suspiciously.

"Because you'd put him and then everything would be boring!"

"Okaaayyyy." I dragged out the word. I put down someone else.

"Next question, do you, humans, need to eat in order to survive?"

Duh.

"Okay, next." I said.

"Write down any number from 1 to 100."

Alright. "Next."

"Your favorite fruit." Jasper snorted.

I looked at him strangely and wrote down a fruit.

"Next."

"A person. It can't be the one you put for the first question."

"Can I put down Edward now?" I asked. Emmett and Jasper grinned widely showing their

white teeth. "Sure." Jasper said.

"Now put down a random phrase."

Of course it would be a random phrase. All of these questions are random!

"Alright."

"Do humans need to drink water to be able to live?"

Yeah…

"Okay."

"Another number from 1 to 100."

"Next."

"A person," he waited until I was finished. "And now a phrase."

"Which do you like more, twins or triplets?" I raised my eyebrows at Emmett. He motioned for me to write.

"Next."

"This is the last one. Why do people go to school?"

So easy.

"Okay I'm done."

"Alright. Just hold on to it until the others get back." Jasper told me. I nodded.

It was about 25 more minutes until the others got back.

"Guys! Come here and sit down!" Emmett yelled.

"You didn't have to scream. We can hear perfectly." Alice said as she plopped down on Jasper's lap. Edward sat next to me.

"What? We can't even pretend we're humans? Gosh!" Emmett said. "But anyway, I have some questions for Bella."

"So why did you need us here?" Alice asked.

"Oh, Alice shush. You're ruining his fun." Esme smiled. "Go ahead Emmett."

"Alright. Bella, go down and read your answers for every question I ask."

I nodded.

"Who were you with last night?"

I glanced down. "Jasper." I said slowly.

Emmett smiled. Jasper chuckled.

"Did you kiss?"

"Yes." I could feel my face turn a light shade of red.

"What did it taste like?"

"Oranges." My face turned a darker shade of red

"Who did you tell?"

"Edward." I choked out.

"What did he say?"

"Life's too short." Emmett snorted. I looked up at Edwards face. His perfect eyebrows were raised.

"Did you do _'it'_?"

I choked on my own spit. "What?"

" 'It' Bella. Did you do I 'it'?"

I looked down slowly. "Yes." I kept my head down.

"How many times did you do 'it'?"

"12."

"How old was he?"

"27."

"Who else did you tell, Bella?"

"Carlisle."

"What did he say?"

"Don't drink and drive."

"Dang it." Emmett muttered. "So what was the result of yours and Jasper's activities?"

I glared at Emmett. "Triplets." I ground out, my blush getting even darker.

"Why did you do it?"

"To learn more than you already know." I whispered, my cheeks turning the darkest shade of red possible.

To say that everyone me teased after that is and understatement. I really dislike Emmett right now.

**So yeah, I got this from Zikkie's fan fiction. Um, so.. Yeah. Bye!**


	2. Eric Yorkie

**Emmett**

After playing that joke on Bella, I decided to play the same joke on some people at school. I got out of my Jeep and looked around, deciding who I would play it on.

Eric Yorkie…

I know that sometimes Eric skips lunch to play games with some of his math geeks. I also noticed a pattern. It was every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. And today is Monday.

How convenient. So instead of going to the cafeteria during lunchtime, I went to the math classroom where they do their math games.

I opened the door and their reactions were really funny. Their eyes widened. Some dude dropped the pen to the Activboard.

"Uh, Emmett? Emmett Cullen? Why are you here? Do you want to join the math club?" I chuckled. "No. I actually just wanted to talk with Eric." He stood and hesitantly began walking towards the door.

"No, no. We can do it in here." I said.

He muttered, "Good, then, there'll be witnesses." I rolled my eyes and told him to get out a sheet of paper and a pen. "Why?" He asked.

"It's sort of like a game."

He shrugged.

"Okay, you ready?" I asked him sitting down. He nodded.

"Okay. Remember to number your answers. Question one, write down the name of someone of the opposite gender."

He wrote and looked up. "Question two, do humans need food to survive?"

"Question three, write down any number from 1 to 100."

"Number three, Your favorite fruit.

"Next." Eric said.

"Write down the name of any person, just not the same person you put for number one."

He wrote, then said, "What's the point of this?"

I shook my head. "Just write it down. Five, put down a random phrase."

"Question six, do humans need water to live?" He scoffed.

"Problem, Eric?" I asked.

He looked startled. "No, no! Of course not!"

"Okay. A number one to 100."

"A person, then a phrase."

"Which one do you like more, twins or triplets?" A few of the geeks chuckled.

"Now, the last question, why do we go to school?"

"Okay are we done now?"

"Almost," I smiled. "Now, I ask you more questions, and you read out the answers on the

paper to answer them."

"Okay. Shoot." He said.

"Who were you with last night?"

He looked at the paper. "Jessica."

"Did you kiss?"

"Yes?" His answer came out as a question.

"What did it taste like?"

He frowned. "Grapes," I laughed.

"Who did you tell?"

"Drew," He said, referring to one of his math geek pals.

"What did he say?"

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away."

I laughed as I really thought about that.

"Did you do 'it'?"

"What?"

"Did you do 'it'?"

"I don't want to do this any more!" He yelled

I shrugged. "Okay. Anybody else want to read his answers?" Drew raised his hand.

"NOT WITH ME IN THE ROOM!" Eric said running off somewhere.

"So what was his answer for number 6?" I asked.

"Yes."

"How many times did they do 'it'?"

"68."

"How old was she?"

"52."

Kinky…

"Who else did he tell?"

"Bella."

"And what did she say?"

"Bring home the bacon."

…

Then, all of a sudden, Eric came running in. "Is it over?" He asked.

I read the last question.

"So what was the result of his and Jessica's activities?"

"Twins."

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!" Eric screamed a high pitched scream and ran away.

I walked out of the room chuckling. I took off my cap and took the little video camera out. This is so going on YouTube.

**Sorry if this isn't as good as the first chapter. But I can continue it if you'd like. Just tell me who you'd like to be next.**


	3. Jessica Stanley

**I do not own Twilight. Okay, you all put a bunch of different people. I never got the same person twice. So I am going to go in order of who was suggested first. So, here it is:**

**1. Jessica**

**2. Mike**

**3. Edward**

**4. Jacob**

**5. Lauren**

**And to earth-fairy2006, I'll do Renesmee a bit later.**

**Jessica**

It was lunchtime, and I was staring at the Cullens' and Hales' table again. More specifically at Edward Cullen. He was leaning back in his seat with his arm around Bella.

Why does he even go out with her anyway! He turned me down! So why her? I mean, Mike's cute and all, and I have a big crush on him, but Edward Cullen is HOT and I have a HUGE crush on him.

The big one, Emmett, got up from the table and started walking over here. I sat up

straighter and fixed my hair. Emmett would be my second choice.

Emmett came over and sat right across from me!

"Hey, guys." He said. Then, he looked at me. "Hey Jessica."

All I could get out was, "Heh, heh, I…" But could you really blames me? Have you seen him?

"Well, Jessica, I was wondering if I could talk to you."

"Sure," I said flipping my hair.

I was so glad that Mike was out sick.

"Okay, well, let's play a game."

"Okay. What kind of game?" I asked him, knowing the one I wanted to play in the privacy of my room.

"Well, I ask you questions, and you write down the answers. Then, at the end, I ask different questions, and you read out your answers. Simple enough, right?"

I nodded. He gave me a sheet of paper and a pencil.

"Okay, you ready?" Emmett asked.

"Mm-hmm," I said.

"Okay. Question one. Write down someone's name."

I looked up when I was done.

"Number two, do humans need food to survive?"

Psh, that is so easy.

"Write down any number from 1 to 100."

I don't know why, but it took me a long time to think of a number. Probably because I was staring at that big hunk of man in front of me.

"Your favorite fruit."

Favorite fruit? I'm supposed to have a favorite fruit? I'll just put the last fruit I ate. I don't remember what it was though, so I'll just put down a random fruit.

"Next, write down the name of another person, but not the same one you put down for number one."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because when I ask the other questions, it wouldn't make sense." I shrugged.

"Now, put down a random phrase."

"Um, what kind of phrase?"

He shrugged. "Just a random phrase."

I don't know what he's talking about, so I'll just put down the Golden Rule.

"Do humans need water to survive?"

"No duh," I muttered.

"Another number from 1 to 100."

"Next."

"A person," he waited until I was finished. "And now a phrase."

"Which do you like more, twins or triplets?"

With him?

"And now the last question, why do people go to school?"

When I was finished writing, Emmett called everyone to attention.

"Now, I want you all to listen. You've probably been doing that already, seeing as I've barely heard any conversation since I've been over here." Everyone starting coughing and making excuses. Lauren said she was reading, which was really stupid because she didn't even have a magazine out.

**Emmett**

"Anyway," I said, "For every question I ask, Jessica is going to read out her answer.

Ready?" Jessica nodded.

"Who were you with last night?"

"Edward Cullen."

"Did you kiss?"

"Yeah."

"What did it taste like?"

"Bananas."

"Who did you tell?"

"Lauren." Lauren scowled, probably because she wanted to be the one to kiss Edward.

She did know that Jessica didn't kiss Edward didn't she?

"What did she say?"

"All good things must come to an end."

She probably would say something like that. "Did you do 'it'?"

Jessica smiled. "Yes, we did."

"How many times did you do 'it'?"

"12."

"How old was he?"

"40." Jessica frowned at that.

I chuckled. "Who else did you tell?"

"Mike."

"What did he say?"

"Curiosity killed the cat." But satisfaction bought it back. Moving on…

"So what was the result of yours and Edward's activities?"

"Triplets."

I nodded. "The end."

Angela was leaning on Ben for support. Her face was red from laughter. Lauren was not amused.

Jessica leaned towards me and said, "So you think I could score a date with Edward and make all this come true?"

"Uh, no, he has Bella."

"What about you?"

"I have Rosalie."

"And let me guess, Jasper has Alice?" She leaned back.

I thought. "Actually, no, he doesn't. Chase after him all you want. He might say yes."

I got up and walked toward the cafeteria doors ignoring Jaspers shocked face. That what you get for interrupting mine and Rosie's 'private moments'. Punk.


	4. Mike Newton

**Emmett**

I caught up with Mike Newton before school started. I knew he like to arrive at least 30 minutes before school started and I'd driven here in my Jeep earlier than anyone else at my house for that reason.

"Hey, Mike. What's up?" I ask him, walking closer as I spoke.

"Wha- oh hey Emmett. Nothin' much. Just chillin', ya know?" Mike said, apparently trying to be cool and ganster leaning against the side of his dusty, beat up old Honda.

"So you wanna play a game with me, Mike?" Mike's eyes widened a bit.

"A-A game? Uh, sure, I guess."

I grinned. "Now to play this game, you need a sheet of paper and a pencil."

"Uh, sure. I just need to get it out of my locker. I left my backpacker in there yesterday." I smiled and nodded politely, following him inside the school.

Now why the hell would he do that?

I wait until he gets his things, then suggest that we sit where he and his group of friends usually hang out before school.

Mike eagerly led me to a picnic table outside where some people were sitting.

"Hey guys," he said walking up to them. "You know Emmett Cullen, right? He wants to play a _game _with me," he said, emphasizing the word 'game' and wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Gross.

"Aw," Lauren said. "You don't want to play a game with me, Emmett?"

"Maybe later," I say, waving my hand dismissively at her. "You ready Mike?"

"Yeah," he said, getting a pencil out of his backpack.

"Okay. Write down the answers to the questions I'm about to give you." Mike nodded.

"Number one. Write down the name of a person you know."

Mike thought for a while, then started writing something, paused, scratched out whatever he had on the paper, then wrote something else down.

"Okay."

"Number two: Do humans, need to eat in order to survive?"

Strangely, he thought about that one for a while.

"Okay, next." He said.

"Write down any number from 1 to 100."

"Next."

"Your favorite fruit."

"Ooh! Put bananas!" Jessica said, suddenly coming to life.

"Why should I put bananas?" Mike asked.

Jessica shrugged. "Because I like bananas. I thought everyone like bananas, you know, like some sort of universal thing."

I raised my eyebrows exaggeratedly.

"Uh, you done Mike?" I ask him. He shakes his head and quickly writes down something.

"Another person. It can't be the one you put for the first question."

"Now put down a random phrase."

Alright."

"Do humans need to drink water to be able to live?"

"Okay."

"Another number from 1 to 100."

"Next."

"A person," he waited until I was finished. "And now a phrase."

"Which do you like more, twins or triplets?"

Mike squinted his eyes and took about 5 minutes to answer the question. By now, people were trickling into the parking lot. I glanced at my phone and saw that the bell was due to ring in 2 minutes.

"Next."

"This is the last one. Why do people go to school?"

"Okay I'm done."

"Good, now hold on to those answers and wait until lunchtime. I'll have you do something with them."

"Kay," Mike said, folding the paper up into a small square and putting it into his jacket pocket.

"See you later," I say, walking to where my Rosie was getting out of Edward's soccer mom car.

******Lunchtime**** **

"What's happenin**', **Mike?" I ask, pulling up a chair in front of him.

"Nothin' much, my homie." he replies. I raise my eyebrows, but decide to ignore it.

"So you ready?" I ask him.

Mike nods, taking the paper he had earlier out of his pocket.

"Read out the answer for every question I ask, okay?"

"Okay."

"Who were you with last night?"

"My mom."

Ew.

"Did you kiss?"

"Yes." Mike's face turned a bit red as the rest of the table chuckled and teased him.

"What did it taste like?"

"Bananas."

"Who did you tell?"

"Mr. Banner."

"What did he say?"

"A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush."

"Hey! Wasn't there like some Geico commercial about that or something?" Lauren asked.

"Yeah! It was like, so…" Jessica trailed off. After a minute, she finally said, "Well, I don't know, but… whatever." She resumed drinking her water.

"Did you two do '_it_'?"

Mike's face showed horror.

"Seriously, man?"

"Yeah, seriously."

"I thought we were cool."

"Well, you obviously thought wrong, Mike, now answer the question." I was surprised to see that it was Ben who said that.

"Yeah." Mike finally answered.

"How many times did you do it?" Mike took a swing of his pink lemonade, then said, "Eighty-two."

"How old was she?"

"Seven."

Well, dude, I'm pretty sure that that's illegal.

"Isn't that illegal?" Austin, the newest addition to their group piped up.

"Yeah. Mike's gonna be going to jail for raping his mother when she was seven which I don't get because he couldn't have been alive then unless his mother had a really weird thing going on with her body…" Eric said. I'm pretty sure that he was teasing Mike because everybody teased him when he did this.

"What do you mean something weird going on with her body?" Ben asked.

"There are some girls in other parts of the world that get pregnant when they're like, five years old."

"Weird !" Austin said.

"Okay, can you stop talking about this so we can finish?" Mike yelled. Everybody at the table went quiet as well as everyone else in the cafeteria.

"It's okay! Just a friendly little game!" I say to everyone else in the cafeteria, and they resume chattering.

"Okay. Question number nine. Who else did you tell?"

"My dog."

"And what did your dog say?"

"You are what you eat." It was silent for a second, and then the entire table burst out laughing.

"Oh! Oh! I always knew…" Austin forced out through his laughs.

"Okay, okay," I say. "Next-" the bell to go to our lockers rang and everyone moved at once except for me and Mike.

"So what was the result of what you and your mom did?"

"Twins."

"Why did you do it?"

"To goof off."

I nodded and stood up.

"Well, it's been a pleasure talking to you Mike. See ya later." I turn away.

"Wait!" I turn back around to see Mike scribbling something on the paper that he wrote his answers on.

"Here," he said, ripping off the piece of paper he just wrote on and handing it to me. "Call me later… homie." Then he walked away.

I looked down at the piece of paper and see that he put his number and name, dotting the 'I' in his name with a heart.

I was about to crumble it up and throw it away, but decide that it could be used for other purposes. I put it in my pocket and walk out of the cafeteria, thinking about my next victim.


	5. Edward Cullen

**Yeah, I know, I suck. Blame me and my laziness. Just so you know, this chapter takes place 2 years before Bella comes to Forks and I hope not to offend any emos. Hope you enjoy. :)**

**Emmett **

I was sitting in my and Rose's room, just staring into space. Me and Edward were the only ones in the house. Every one else was out - Carlisle at work, Esme, Rose, and Alice shopping and Jasper at the library.

I would've been fine if Jasper or Rose was home too, but instead, I was left with Edward who was as fun as an old bitter woman with a bad hip and a wart.

"I heard that Emmett," Edward said from downstairs.

_I know _I thought.

Suddenly, a thought popped into my mind. I could play that trick on Edward I saw on the internet the other day. Quickly, I thought of something else so that Edward wouldn't see.

"Really Emmett? Are you really singing Katy Perry in your head while thinking… _things _about Rosalie?" Edward's voice called up to me, annoyed.

"Yep. And I will continue to do it until you stop reading my mind." I say getting on the desktop computer in Carlisle's office.

"I can't stop. It's involuntary!"

"Oh. Right. Or maybe it's just because you love to see Rose in the buff." A thought suddenly struck me and my hands fell from the keyboard. "Or maybe it's me you like seeing…"

"What? No! No, Emmett! That's just ridiculous!" Edward shouted needlessly.

"It's okay, Edward. Lots of people want to see me naked. Of course, most of them are chicks, but it's not like I don't get a few stares from the male population, too. I had my suspicions about you Edward." I say resuming my typing on the computer.

"Emmett! I do not, nor have I ever enjoyed seeing you naked!"

"It's okay Edward. This is what they call denial. Everyone loves seeing me naked!"

Edward groaned and I could hear him fall back on the sofa.

Quickly, I printed out the questions I was looking for and hurried downstairs to Edward.

"So Eddie," I say sitting on the arm of the couch he was sitting on. "Out of your denial yet?"

Edward sat up and squeezed the bridge of his nose with two fingers like he did when he was annoyed.

"I am not in denial, Emmett," he growled. Oh, man. He was just so easy to rile up.

"So, Eddie-" I start.

"That's not my name," he said.

"Can you answer a few questions for me?" I asked.

"Can you stop being so annoying?" he replied.

"…"

Edward sighed. "What are the questions, Emmett?"

I held out the printed questions to him and he quickly looked at them.

"What now?"

"You remember the answers?"

"Yes."

"Okay. For each question I ask you, answer them with the answers you have for those," I say gesturing toward the paper in his hand.

"Okay."

Just as I opened my mouth, Esme, Rose and Alice walked in loaded down with bags.

"Hey guys," Alice said running the bags she had up to her room and sitting down on the sofa next to Edward.

"Hey," I say, wrapping my arm around Rose's waist as she sat on my lap. "We were just about to do something."

"Do what?" Esme asked from the kitchen.

"I'm gonna ask Eddie here some questions."

"The same questions you asked me last week?" Esme said.

I chuckled at the memory. "Yep. So first question Edward. Who were you with last night?"

"President Bush."

My eyebrows raised. "Okay. Did you kiss?"

"Yes." Edward frowned.

"What did it taste like?"

Edward stood up. "This is stupid, Emmett. I refuse to participate in this foolishness any longer."

"Oh, sit down, Edward. He did the same thing to Esme last week and she went through with it."

"Well maybe Esme puts up with Emmett's-"

"Oh shut up and answer the question already, Edward." Rose said.

Edward sighed heavily said, "Pears."

"Who did you tell?"

"Harry Potter."

I snorted and Edward narrowed his eyes at me.

"Shut up Emmett." he said.

"Okay. Okay. What did Harry say?"

"Mind your up's and q's."

"Did you do 'it'?"

"What?" Edward's eyes widened.

"Did you and President Bush do 'it'?"

"Just say yes, Edward. It'll be over soon," Alice said, giggling."

Edward nodded slowly.

"How many times did you and the President do it?"

"84."

Wow. I didn't think that the old man had the stamina.

"How old was he?"

"13." That explains it.

"Pretty sure that's illegal, Edward." I said shaking my finger at him.

"Just continue with the questions, Emmett."

"Who else did you tell?"

Edward hesitated. "I don't have to do this."

"Yes you do," Rosalie said inspecting her nails.

Once again, Edward sighed and mumbled his answer.

"Sorry?" I said, leaning a bit closer. Of course we all heard him, but it was just for kicks.

"Paula Deen."

"And what did Paula say?"

"Give up your loins." Ya'll.

"And what was the result of your and President Bush's activities?"

"I'm not answering that." Edward said clomping up the stairs like the emo teenager that he was.

"Let's just say twins and call it a day." I said leaning back on the couch.

Alice applauded and skipped up to her and Jasper's room. Esme went out to her garden.

"So, you enjoy that, Rose?" I asked.

"I think I'd enjoy something much better…" she said trailing her index finger down my chest to the waistband of my pants.

It was exactly 2 seconds later that we were in our room with her clothes off and her legs open.

"OH MY GOD YOU GUYS!" Edward yelled from his room, but he was ignored.

*** 4 hours later ***

"Hey, guys," Jasper said poking his head into our room where we lay sated underneath the covers. "Why is Edward in his room writing depressing poetry and trying to cut himself with a broken pencil?"

I shrugged and started stroking Rosalie's hair. "Who knows how an emo's mind works? Turn off that light for us, Jazz? We're gonna go for another round."

Jasper made a face and turned out the light in our room as Rosalie started touching something of mine underneath the covers.

We could hear everyone race out of the house and Edward break another pencil.

Emos.


End file.
